dying inside

I cannot remember any other month being as bad as this one in all of my life. Buzz split on me. I was terrified of what could happen but he said he was ok to his mom. At least that's something. I wish he would talk to me. I'm dying inside.

Where did my friend go?

Hi everyone. I'm hopefully at the tail end of the month that only Satan himself could have shit out. I want to make it clear that my month has not been worse than some say victims of something, but it is bad because of many things and none of which are really bringing me hope and none of which have brought me much closer to God. Maybe it's a flaw within me. I can't imagine living this month over again without killing myself. I fortunately, am not trapped in a Bill Murray comedy so folks, no blood no foul; I'm not killing anyone anytime soon. Don't fool yourself into thinking it wasn't in consideration. It was. Just not with a very serious tone attached.

The main thing I want to talk about is Buzz. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Ok. It hurt, I'm over it. What I'm not ok with is today when I'm crying about things (not related to him per se but my overall month and some things that happened at work last night) and he has nothing to say about it. No, I'm sorry life sucks for you, no hug, nothing. He just laid there. Then his mom came and he went to the movies. He left me with tears falling down my cheeks as if I weren't even there. I have never thought that Buzz would be so heartless. Where did Buzz go?

Do Work

I went and applied at Billiards plus. It's right across the street so it would be ideal as far as location goes. I really need a job. When the lady asked why I wanted to be a bartender, I looked her in the eye and said I just want work. Doesn't matter what it is. I want to Do Work!

I hope I remember how badly I want a job after I finally have one. Most of the time I'm happy with what I have but when I have no job, I desire more work and when I have work I desire less. It's the same with class I suppose. I think it's just because I tend to resist change on a daily scale. Big changes? good. New president..ok. New apartment...yay. New owners at work..whatevs. They take Pushing Daisys off the air or I have to get out of my warm covers...fuck off!!

Speaking of Pushing Daisys!!! Did you see Kristen C (Olive Snook) sing again last night? I love her. Can I be her when I grow up please? She's so little and full of cuteness. She's boiling over with cuteness.


I'm getting a lot better about not having to have everything a ceratin way though. I still want to piss on the pillows of all ABC exects that made the God awful decision to cancel the Pie Maker and friends but I am ok with not having cinnamon toothpaste but mint. That little fact did not even make me frown where I'm sure it would have encouraged me to hide in a warm quiet place when I was at my lowest in Wyoming.

I also applied at 7-11 because it has a hiring sign in the window and is within walking distance. I would really like to work somewhere that would not require me to have a vehicle. The aspiring granola in me desires minimal gas chugging vehicle usage possible. I want a bike by the way. A pink cruiser with a bell, basket, and a book saddle. Squee!

I want to cut down on all of my un-earth-healthy things. I'll hand smash my potatoes and I don't even own an electric mixer. I can make just about anyhting from scratch and I love to do so. I do however refuse to give up aerosol hairspray. A girl has her limits.

First

Hello all!

or

"Ello Y'all!"

That's more like it.

This is my blogging test run. I'm not looking for fame, fortune or more friends, although all would be nice, I'm looking for a place to keep track of myself. We need all the help we can get, no?