dying inside

I cannot remember any other month being as bad as this one in all of my life. Buzz split on me. I was terrified of what could happen but he said he was ok to his mom. At least that's something. I wish he would talk to me. I'm dying inside.

Where did my friend go?

Hi everyone. I'm hopefully at the tail end of the month that only Satan himself could have shit out. I want to make it clear that my month has not been worse than some say victims of something, but it is bad because of many things and none of which are really bringing me hope and none of which have brought me much closer to God. Maybe it's a flaw within me. I can't imagine living this month over again without killing myself. I fortunately, am not trapped in a Bill Murray comedy so folks, no blood no foul; I'm not killing anyone anytime soon. Don't fool yourself into thinking it wasn't in consideration. It was. Just not with a very serious tone attached.

The main thing I want to talk about is Buzz. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Ok. It hurt, I'm over it. What I'm not ok with is today when I'm crying about things (not related to him per se but my overall month and some things that happened at work last night) and he has nothing to say about it. No, I'm sorry life sucks for you, no hug, nothing. He just laid there. Then his mom came and he went to the movies. He left me with tears falling down my cheeks as if I weren't even there. I have never thought that Buzz would be so heartless. Where did Buzz go?