Monday, May 11, 2009

Dear Stupid Fucking Redneck,

Please put on a shirt.

This rule applies to all men sending pictures of themselves over the Internet.

Yes, there are great looking men out there. However, I'm willing to bet if you're sending your pictures over the Internet to someone you haven't met....you aren't one of them.

Please Mr. Redneck, do not let your kid into my car without a child seat. I do not care if Illegitimate Izzy does it all the time, it does not make her safe. You drive like an asshole regardless of whether Bastard Billy is in the car so strap the little booger down nice and tight, just in case.

Mr. Redneck, I know I asked for your assistance in finding me illicit substances. Thank you for your help. No thank you for bringing your kid along. That just pisses me off. I really do not care that we dropped her off at grandma's work; being as you got out of the car, instructed the child to "geddout" and we pull away before grandma is found and the child is left wandering the front yard, I would rather have taken her with us.

By the way, when she calls you Daddy, she isn't playing you ignorant fuck, it means she looks up to your stupid ass and you better watch what you do and say around her before she hates you too.

I'm writing to let you know, I will need your help next time or well, ever because no bud in the world is worth seeing someone treat a child so poorly.

Rot in hell,
One unsatisfied customer.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Dear Social Retard,

Dear Social Retard,

You suck. We both know this. However, I had a temporary lapse in judgement and had faith in humanity (which I thought included you, not excluded you) to not drop their life's baggage at my door. I was wrong.

And oh, how wrong I was.

I encourage you to take your drama and shove it up your ass. If that is not an option, I can arrange for someone to help you do this. Yes, I am THAT thoughtful. :)

If your drama is left within my social circle, I will dispose of it in whichever manner I see fit. (And believe me retard, shoving up your ass is, by far, the most pleasant scenario I've come up with yet.)

Just to be clear, if any more drama/baggage/bullshit is left within my care, I will set it on fire.

Thank you for your time,
Please die slowly. :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Carboholic

I really thought I was a carboholic. I've throughly enjoyed my carby foods all of my life more than any other foods. But, I've chosen to take the plunge and my last ditch effort, and attempt to minimize my intake of carbs for the sake of my weight. I can't believe how big I am somedays. It kills me how people that hang out with me will say all these mean things about people half my size and not even consider that I'm twice their size. I'm like them with elephantitus of the everything. I've tried many things to make myself fall out of the obese category and they have all failed. I've exercised for 4 hours a day 6 days a week and I still did not drop the weight....any weight. So, I'm dropping my bad carb intake.

I'm not very happy with it. The first day was easy. My body wanted all that protein. The second day was ok until I realized I had consumed three times the amount of allotted good carbs in the wheat thins I was eatting. I really felt starved even though my belly was full. I still do two days later. I broke down and ate something carby last night but I made sure it wasn't one of my go-to carbs that I love. I had a pb and j on whole wheat. The pb and j portion was the bad part. It was not terribly bad but it was not a good carb. It tasted heavenly and I heavily craved more.

I might be a lot happier if I were to eat that at night and be good during the day. I don't remember where I read it but I think I found a place that said if you are eatting bad carbs, do it as your last meal of the day. I really hope that web site was right because it makes me feel so much better. I'll continue to stay away from foods that are fried and whatnot...no sugary sodas etc., but it sure does help me feel good to have those carbs at night.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Decisions and Goals

Hi blogosphere! Or no one...whichever. (I do not think anyone reads this yet because I only gave the address out to one person and I'm pretty sure she doesn't read it either. Hi my lovely if you do.)

I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this, or any reason that it makes me greener/anything like that...but I'm in the process of moving my entire apartment into my bedroom. This of course, does not include the kitchen or bathroom. I am trying to do all my reading/exercising/movie watching etc from this one room. It will cut down on cooling and heating if I can only bother with one room's temperature and it will give me good practice for my time in my RV life. To be honest, I'm just following my instinct here. Those are good reasons to do it but my gut is telling me to do this so I think I'll listen. The room is very well lit by the smallish windows. The sunshine makes me happy so maybe that is why I feel drawn. I'm not sure nor do I really care.

I'm doing it, enough said. lol

First, I have to get the urine smell out of the room. No, folks, I haven't had accidents and I haven't tried to make it my bathroom too, it is that the previous tenants let their pet peepee on the carpet and my rental agency is shitty enough to let me deal with the problem myself. Each time I shampoo it (twice now) it gets better but I can still smell pee! I'll go over one more time with a pet odor-outter and then I'll give up on that idea. I don't like putting all those chemicals on my floor where I often play the ten second rule etc. BUT it's better than peepee. To me, it is anyway. Plus, that carpet is terrible anyway. It has holes cut in random places and stains everywhere. I just do not want to put the money into replacing it if I do not know if I will be living there very long.